Apples New Dongle Subscription Model

A reprint of my letter below that I had to submit to a contact bot 5 times in a row to accommodate the 28 character limit a complaint is limited to at Apple.

An open letter to the Apple ‘GENIUSES’ –

Nowhere is your decline as an industry leader more apparent than your decision to make $9 dongles the core of your value proposition.

It is clear that the design teams have been replaced by baboons or monkeys. One only has to try your proto-simian ear-pods, sized especially for Andre the Giant or Tiny Tim, I am not sure who they would fit, but clearly no human ear, hand or mind has neared them during the design process. No human has the muscle structure to grip them in place. But let’s not mince words, I just threw them out for a $5 pair that gets the noise in the hole. This isn’t about my playlist though, this is about my art, and it’s personal now.

I assumed previous upgraded (downgraded) features had a hidden tech benefit I couldn’t perceive, so I gave you the benefit. I have been finally driven to write you a letter now, and this will not get any easier as I rip the King of Apple Urine-Deficient design bricks… THE APPLE PEN!

It looked so amazing I bought one with no research for ridiculous money compared to any Wacom, let’s not slap each other on the back over the tilt sensitivity and the charcoal brush, meh. (But the box, ohhhhhh the silky box, how I fall so quickly for such shallow design aesthetics!)

It is no wonder you capped the power adapter, as it wouldn’t be allowed on the stage at any design show for its obvious lack of effort or thought about the user. I almost threw milk up out of my nose when I saw the plug end sticking out, waiting to break off, looking around at the 30 cords laying around, realizing I had to stick ANOTHER STUPID DONGLE IN IT TO MAKE IT ACT LIKE IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DESIGNED IN THE FIRST PLACE!,!!”!!

I looked at the rice-like dongle and immediately said, “Well sh*t, they should have put three in there because this one is already practically lost”.

So of course like a normal product user, I lost it in a week, pissed it might cost me $8.99 like your stupid earphone dongle, I went to Best Buy. More pissed afterwards, of course, they don’t sell them there, and plugging it into my iPad like it says never charges it. So it sucked just like I knew it would when I unboxed it. Not really a hard leap, I can’t wait to snap off the top of it next for a total loss!

Including a picture of error message and pen in iPad, because it is clear that no human there ever used it in real life, so how could they possibly be familiar with any of the error messages.

Seriously, fire someone on the design team now, preferably everyone.

So send me a new one free please here so maybe I can use it again if I don’t throw up all over the form factor. My Wacom is just as good, but that gets lost occasionally.

And please, let me know where I can get more, or just maybe a subscription service. Wait, now there is a new business model for you!

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